Blood From A Turnip

I haven’t blogged in awhile. I’ve gotten wrapped up in Twitter and Facebook for any type of updates. 140 characters are just snippets or sound bites instead of complete cohesive thoughts. I’ve been busy working and seem to be more worn out at the end of the day. It’s one of those jobs that can mentally exhaust you, but you have nothing physical to show for it. I do have days where I would rather be outside working in the yard.

I’m also very worried about Megan, she is stuck in an awful funk and I don’t know how to help her. I suspect her “funk” is from a number of life situations she is going through. She’s still carrying some of the old baggage from the divorce. More along the lines of her relationship with her sisters and her sister’s lack of relationship with me. I don’t know how to get her to let go of that. God knows if something happens to Megan, her sisters (and her father) will blame me. I know she is really worried about her father and his recently diagnosed diabetes. I’m sure all the surgeries he’s have to undergo to debride the wounds on his foot have her really been freaking out.

Megan’s financial situation has her beyond stressed, it’s adding to her depression (I’ll touch on that later). Even though she completed the Dental Assistant program, she is not working in that field. I don’t think she really wants to either. When she was about half way through the school she wanted to quit, but it’s one of those types of schools that you have to pay for the whole program whether you finish or not so I convinced her to keep going. I just don’t think she has quite figured out what she wants to do in life. I don’t know how to get her exposed to all the options I was exposed to. In high school I had work study programs and a guidance counselor to help. Not that I directly wound up in any of the work study fields (newspaper photographer or key punch operator), it exposed to career opportunities and the work place. Megan had her internship in an Orthodontic practice, she seemed to really like the work, but has yet to find any related job. She feels like she didn’t learn anything from the school she went to, so that could also be contributing to her lack of desire to pursue employment in this field. I worked in retail for a number of years before joining the Air Force, so I can’t say too much against it, yet. I think if Megan would consider the Air Force, she could probably go into he dental field with the training she already has. But I suspect she’s a bit afraid to give up the safety net she has. That fear, I can also relate to

She hurts because she misses that big sister/best buds relationship she remembers she had with her oldest sister. The two of them no longer speak to each other. I still don’t understand the issue with my oldest daughter, other than she seems to think I am lying about something.

Megan is letting her depression about her current situation in life consume her. She has tried to reach out to her middle sister but was chided. Her local relatives don’t have a real grasp on what clinical depression is, so they don’t offer any support. She’s at odds when it comes to trying to talk to her father. It sounds like anything that could possibly upset him is being “filtered” through his girlfriend. I wish I had some way to let “them” know how serious this situation could be. But I’m persona non grata and Megan doesn’t want to do anything that would upset her father.

Adding to Megan’s situation, is a feeling of isolation. She now lives out in the middle of nowhere, because it’s a place her father is leasing. She barely has cell phone coverage. She is lives next to an aunt filled with good intentions. But now she not only feels emotionally isolated, she is physically isolated too. She’s in a viscous cycle, she has to still rely on her father for support, so she still has to walk on eggshells when it comes to anything that is related or involves me. She has no one she can really talk to and seeing a “shrink” is not something she wants to do and she can’t afford it even if she did. Granted, if she wanted to see someone, I would help her pay for it, but she just doesn’t want to talk to a “stranger” about her “stuff”.

I got lectured about “now I will need to be there for Megan more than ever” – I wonder if that same “lecture” was given to her father? The real problem is, I’m not the only one that needs to be there for Megan. First, Megan needs to be there for herself. Then Megan needs to feel like other family members (primarily her father) are emotionally there for her. That’s the real issue Megan is having, she needs to feel like her father is there for her, not just financially, but emotionally. Although, her uncle conveys that her father is proud of her and loves her, she needs to hear it from him. Now she’s afraid to want that from him because she is worried about his health and doesn’t want to do anything to upset that. She’s stuck in that viscous circle she can’t break free from.

I wonder if the idea of her moving to Florida to live there would help. I’m afraid she might feel even more cut off. I’m afraid it would be no better than when she was living with him before. I just don’t know what else I can do, getting her father to be more emotionally supportive would be like trying to get blood from a turnip, but it really needs to happen, soon. I wish I could impress upon him how important that really is. Don’t treat Megan like you did me.

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