I had to have a colonoscopy on Monday due some symptoms that I am 95% sure are a result of scar tissue from my hysterectomy. The colonoscopy results were as I expected – nothing wrong inside my colon.
The “prep†leading up to the test was an ordeal in itself. I started the clear liquid diet Sunday morning. I had made a peach flavored Jello Jigglers to “chew†on. I had diet ginger ale and some regular lemon-lime soda. I lived on banana popsicles – they were my main staple for the day. I had a cup of the WalMart brand chicken broth – never ever buy that crap. It was awful. Luckily, I had also bought Wyler’s chicken bouillon – I only made one cup of it. Again, the banana popsicles got me through the day.
At 4PM I had to drink the most gawd awful, vile tasting crap I have ever encountered – Fleet Phospho-soda. When I went through this prep before, the first time I had to use Magnesium Citrate and the second time it was a gallon of Golytely but then neither time did someone have to go inside my colon. The first 1.5 ounce worked within 15 minutes and continued to work for the next two hours. It worked so well I had to stay in the bathroom. I wound up throwing big thick beach towels on the floor with a pillow and used another towel as a blanket. Just when the nausea from the first round had gone away and I started feeling semi-human again, it was time for round two. I had to hold my nose and chug the devil’s brew down. It was so awful, it made me cry. It immediately upset my stomach. I went back to laying on the floor. It didn’t help, I thought maybe if I sat up the solution from hell would work it’s way out of my system just a little quicker. It wanted out alright, but not in the direction it was supposed to go. Good thing I had a bucket in the bathroom with me – none of it stayed down. Poor Jeff was out side the bathroom door. I know he felt so helpless, him just being out there was all the moral support I needed.
I’m not sure what time it was when I felt safe enough to head out of the bathroom and lay on the bed. Jeff cut open a plastic garbage bag to lay on the bed for me. I spread my two big towels over it and tried to get some sleep.
The next morning I was a little worried that because I hadn’t consumed the full 3 ounces of Satan’s bile I might not be able to have the colonoscopy. But then I still had the final stage of the “prep†to complete – the enema. Enough said.
We headed to the hospital for the test. I get to the hospital registration in plenty of time, but they are running behind. On the good side that meant less time waiting at the G.I. Lab. The nurse in the G.I. Lab who did the I.V was good, no bruising afterwards. Whoever came up the warm blanket idea needs to win the Noble Peace Prize. It is the most comforting thing I have ever encountered in a hospital setting. The time for the procedure had come, I was walked back to the exam room. After getting hooked up to all the monitors, the nurse said because of my low blood pressure (it was down to 90 over 45) she was going to have to lower my head because the meds she was about to give would lower it even more. I remember her asking me to unbend my arm so the meds could flow, the other assistant asking me to scoot back a bit and then walking up in recovery. The Demerol and Versed worked very well – I wish there was something similar for the prep portion.
The good news is that I won’t have to have another colonoscopy for 10 years.
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