Archives for 2009

I always find it fascinating when certain things trigger memories. Like when I smelled olive oil the first time I started cooking with it. I remembered the smell of the hamburgers in Majorca. They had a very distinct smell that I can now attribute to olive oil.

Military functions always remind me of either my time in the Air Force or my experiences as an Air Force dependent. Lately, I’ve been hung up on how to get the Air Force Commendation Medal that was awarded to me  replaced. I’ve tried once, but since it’s not listed on my DD-214, it pretty much doesn’t exist. I’ve figured the problem to be that it was in the works while I was in the process of being discharged. The actual medal with citation was sent to me back in the states after I was discharged. The real rub is that I’m pretty sure my ex-husband has thrown it away. So much for his pride in military service. You would think since he served 20 years in the Air Force he’d have a little more respect for the award. So for now, it’s just another fleeting memory.

It’s funny too how some of the things (of mine) my ex hung onto have absolutely nothing to do with him. I had a print that my parents took and had mounted for me. It’s of a child’s hand holding a bunch of daisies. The caption below the picture “love…is a gentle thing”. My ex has no idea what (or who) that print represented. The absolute irony of him clinging to that print…

It does beg the question why certain memories are triggered when they are.

I feel like I’m starting to sound like a broken record, pretty much harping on the same things over and over again. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times I tell Megan that if she wants to be able to make decisions like where she lives at, she has be off of daddy’s dime. Her relationship is so fragile with him that it puts her in an even worse position. I’m starting to think that the financial connection she has with him, is the only “real” relationship they have.

For years now Megan has heard us say “my house, my rules” and I’ve tried to get her to understand that also can be “my money, my way”. Since Megan started homeschooling her freshman year in high school her father has paid rent for her. She lived in a fairly nice apartment and then around the time she started her dental assistant program she moved into an even nicer more expensive apartment (still on daddy’s dime). There were discussions of how it would be cheaper to buy a house than to rent, but her father told her it would have to in a county that was about an hour away from where she was going to school. As it got closer to the time for the lease on the apartment to expire, she and her boyfriend went looking at apartments that they could afford. I actually thought was a good idea.

While Megan was going to school (the dental program) she also tried working part time, that didn’t work out because during her four years in home school isolation, she didn’t develop any coping skills. Since I was pregnant with Megan while I was working on my degree, she didn’t get to see what it was like to work full-time and go to college. Daddy threw money at her instead.

Megan struggled through her dental program, she lost interest in it because it became too difficult for her, but she did finish it. I think that was partly due to the fact that her father had to pay for the program whether she finished it or not. When she did finish, she did send out a few resumes and did go on an interview. She was totally unprepared for rejection. She didn’t have any of her certifications from her program yet, felt like it wasn’t her fault. I told her that she should take the positives from that interview and use them. If it had not been for the interviewer telling her that she needed those certification, she never would have known that. So Megan did start the process to get them, that too wasn’t easy. Again, she was totally unprepared for the human element of trying to wade through bureaucratic red tape. It took almost six months, but she finally got certified.

At least during this time frame Megan did start looking for some sort of part time job. She got a job as a cashier at a grocery store. It wasn’t full time and she sure didn’t make enough money to support herself but she was at least able to contribute.

Some where along the line, her lack of coping skills reared it’s ugly head and Megan started getting very depressed. So much so that it started worrying me. I asked Megan to talk to her doctor about it, her doctor referred to a mental health profession but Megan only went for 2 appointments. She gave two reasons, she couldn’t afford the visits and she didn’t like talking to other people about her problems. Megan’s depression got to the point she reminded me of the commercial about “depression hurts”.

The reasons for her depression are complex, when it came time for Megan to move out of “her” apartment, her father had leased a house next to his sister’s house pretty much out in the middle of no where. Now Megan found herself being dotted on by relatives who thought depression and being put on medication for it was just a bunch of whoey. She is even more isolated than before, now she has no internet, no cable TV and can barely get a signal on her cell phone. I don’t have an issue with no cable TV and she has learned to use the library for internet access, I’m worried about the poor cell phone reception. I’m worried about the isolation and how it’s worsening Megan’s depression.

I’m all over the road about this because I’m at a loss as to how to help Megan. I know I can’t help her, she has to help herself. I can keep telling her the same things over and over until I’m blue in the face, but she has to learn much of this on her own. Megan’s depression has caused alarm in both myself and her doctor. I’m concerned that some of the medications that Megan has been put on are causing her suicidal thoughts, many of the medications have warnings about increased thoughts of suicide could be possible in young adults. But since Megan isn’t continuing any type of regular therapy, it is difficult to determine. And I’m very worried that if something were to happen to Megan, I would be blamed for it. It’s not like I can pick up the phone and call her father and say “wake up you jerk, your daughter needs you”. If I could, I would call his girlfriend. Someone needs to know what’s going on with Megan. Like I said her local relatives think it’s all a bunch of whoey.

When Megan moved out to the middle of nowhere, she was at least able to transfer her job at the grocery store to a store near her. Now she is an hour away from her boyfriend and surrounded by relatives who seemed to have forgotten the struggles of being a young adult. Her father’s girlfriend had suggested that she move in with them, that idea has been brushed aside because the boyfriend won’t move away from his family. It would mean moving out of state.

I know I’ve gotten rather long winded, more like screaming into the wind because no one hears me, but there is more to the story. After Megan attended her graduation ceremony June 6, 2009 (almost a year after she finished her program) she seemed re-inspired to find work in the dental field. She started calling places that people suggest she call, many were not hiring, but one was interested in talking to her. I’ve been giving Megan my interview tips and strategies – how to handle questions like “you finished you program a year ago and you are just now trying to find work in the field?” I thought we had covered all the bumps that could come up until she told me Friday that she quit her job at the grocery store. I don’t know how many people have told her, it’s easier to get a job if you have a job. Granted the current economic conditions change that up a bit, but she had a job that she quit. How do you put a positive spin on that? The real kicker is, I’m probably the only person who understands WHY she quit, but that isn’t going to help the consequences. I’m hoping and praying that something positive will come out of this, that she will focus on finding a dental field type job at least until she figures out what she wants to be when she grows up.

But I’m worried, very worried and I feel like it’s better to keep my own fears and worries to myself so not to upset others…