First, I would like to make it clear I am not opposed to home schooling, but I think (and feel) the way my daughter was home schooled has put her at an extreme disadvantage in the “real world.” Her father bought her the books and left her to own devices to learn. She did spend some of her first year traveling with him, but she was pretty much left in an apartment on her own. When she did have questions about some of her work, she would call me for help. Although she missed out on access to guidance counselors and academic advisors, I think the bigger thing she really needed was the social interaction.
Megan’s home schooling did her a great disservice, she has not been able to develop the coping and life skills that she needs to handle some of life’s everyday stresses. I can’t fault her for not know what she “wants to be when she grows up.” I’ve gone through a number of career changes. I know that there have been a lot of other influences that have caused her emotional turmoil. Her desire to have a relationship like what she used to have with her older sister, a relationship with her middle sister where she doesn’t constantly torment her about her relationship with me. I know most of all she still wants a closer relationship with her father, but I feel bad because this may never happen, it’s just not the way he is.
I’m glad that she and my husband have made amends for the turbulent teen years. He knows that he’s not her father, but just wants the best for in life like any father would. Megan knows she can call him about anything, but deep down inside, that is the relationship she wants with her father.
Again, in hindsight, if I had to do it all over again, I would not have even given thought to giving custody of my girls to their father. My hope of him being able to develop a meaningful (not monetary) relationship with them was pure folly. My eternal optimism, got the best of me, thinking he would learn how to open up and be a father to them.
Megan still craves that relationship, it’s easy to tell every time she calls and tells me something is wrong with her father. She truly fears losing him. My heart aches for her because I doubt he could ever openly express those same types of feelings for her.